Sound Of Worship
I just heard a song that triggered one of those very strong memories that have been lying low. This certain song played in a certain strangers car that had given me a ride from Gaborone with son to Windhoek.
You see I had my son in my second year of law school, my mother was already late and I was left with only three sisters. We grew up with mama only after they divorced with papa when I was six years. So mama was our mom, dad, uncle, aunty and grandparents; she was literally our everything.
My sisters were blessed to have children when she was still alive so she raised their kids. So when she died, no one ever rose to the occasion to step in for her and parent us.
I was chatting with my niece the other day when I saw how she related to her grandmother; making tea; preparing water for her to bath and all of that. And I all of a sudden realised how I have not been around an elderly person for so long that I didn't even remember how to take care of a granny.
So as I was chatting then with my niece's granny who is actually an in law and said to her. ‘I don't know how it's like to be a child anymore because ever since my mother died not even one person considered us their children. We have not had not even one elderly person come to my mother's home to ask how we are coping or even make a phone call and ask ‘how are you guys doing or copying since you lost your mom?’ No uncle did that; no aunty or granny nobody!'
So since mama left us it has always been only us four girls. We learnt to stick with each other and we knew that we were the only family we have.
So when I fell pregnant I knew that I’ll have to man up. I knew that there is a possibility of my boyfriend leaving me at some point (for some reason they can't stay long after a child.) So I had to make a decision that I will man up and take care of my son no matter how hard it will get. And it didn't get any easier y'all.
My sisters already had their own lives and issues to worry about so I knew I can't burden them with my son so I braced up and raised my son.
So on that particular day this wonderful lady had given me a ride from Gaborone to Windhoek as school was about to open. So I was with my son but I didn't know where we were going to sleep that night. I had moved out of the place I was renting because in Namibia it's difficult to rent with a child,the landlord will tell you straight away that they don't want a child. I had money for rent and deposit and everything but landlords applied the no child rule...
So I was at the back of that lady's car all confused,stressed,emotional,holding back tears. (Which in fact she also told me that she didn't know I was with a child she couldn't have taken me along,because she needed someone to drive with and she was alone and a friend of mine told her I'm travelling that weekend).
So All the way i was trying to figure out where we are going to sleep maybe just for a night so that I see what I can do the following day. Baby daddy was living large,didnt want any stress.
Eventually for the sake of my child,I begged him so we stay over only for a week so that I try to find us place to stay with his son,he agreed thank God. But the decision to ask him to stay over at his place was the most difficult one. He didn't care and he didn't want. All he wanted was to fix me and show me that it's difficult being alone and I need him.
Well I did, but I didn't like the fact that needing him came with a sacrifice of my dignity. Just because you pop out N$300 a month for your son (in this economy) does not give you a right to verbally and emotionally abuse me. So I told him to keep it because I’m a big girl and I’ll see what I can do.
He had said if his son does not stay with his mom he will not take care of him. Mind you staying with his mom meant that I was being stripped off the right to being his mother and they had made it clear thay it was their child (child custody battles, will leave it for another day). So I thought to myself, ‘I cannot carry a child nine months and push it out naturally in that pain to give him to another woman just like that’. So I said ‘fine the child is mine and please take pleasure in not taking care of him.’
I always say that I pride myself to the fact that no matter how hard it was to raise a child by myself, sometimes sleeping hungry I never allowed not one man to touch me in order for him to buy us a loaf of bread. I rather suffered than pay for a meal with my dignity.
My point is, if you are a single mother out there and you are having it hard; I know your pain. I know what it's like to be stuck with a child and you don't have anybody to call. I know what it's like to almost go mad because you have exhausted all you can but still don't have a solution. I always say life is not that bad when you face challenges alone,but when there is a child involved the pain is unbearable.
You see being a single parent, you go through pains and battles that some you don't even want to share them because just the thought of it it's exhausting.
To all my single ladies out there, it’s going to take the grace of God to make it in life, to survive even a day! It takes God. You can have money and everything but without the father there is always that feeling of aloneness.
The society then steps in and like bashing baby mamas. You don't know the pain of seeing another woman trying to take your place and the worst part is seeing this lady trying to be nice to your son and acting like it's hers. You don't know the pain of feeling like another lady is trying to replace you.
And y'all baby-daddy-snatchers act all mighty and boastful in front of us, showing us that you are better than us, that feeling can get someone mental. Imagine me who was being told everyday that I'm not good enough and I'm not woman enough to even raise my own son and then baby-daddy-snatcher comes to show off after taking my man and now she wants to act like she can be a better mother to my own son than me!
And then the society and the baby-daddy-snatchers would be insulting us apparently we don't know how to keep a man!
And then the society says ‘sale a nna le ngwana ga a itlhokomele ebile ngwana o nna ale mamina fela’ (ever since she had a child she doesn't take care of herself or the baby) and they use that as an excuse for why the father left you.
Y'all don't know why people break up. You don't know the real battles why people break up in the first place. You don't know the pain of a single mother! Do me a favor and respect them and respect the sacrifice they make. Applaud that single mother that is still struggling with taking care of their child.
Today we are quick to ridicule a lady for leaving their child with the granny and never coming back. Raising a child is not child play...
So,i don't know what giants you are facing in trying to raise your son by yourself. But baby girl there is a God in heaven,Hes watching. He's watching every effort,every sacrifice,every secret tear that flows from your eyes. Maybe life has even pushed you to neglect your child. I understand, we are all not that strong. But you can push; you can go back to your child and make an effort to take care of him. It's not easy I know. But God can give you strength. He gives His toughest battles to His tough soldiers.
I never thought in my wildest dreams I can be where I am in life,it took God. Y'all will never get it like I do; I’m a living testimony, I have seen God!
It's not easy,it doesn't get easy- you just get stronger!
Trish Waboraro is an inspirational writer and an author of four books; Worship Leader Manual Vol I and Worship Leader Manual Vol II which speaks on the spiritual and practical aspects of worship; Broken, which speaks on the issues of life and brokenness through life issues and challenges and Her Articles, a book that covers different issues of societal concern via the spiritual lenses.
© 2020 Trish Waboraro . All Rights Reserved . Design by Trish Waboraro
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