TOXIC LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
One of the reasons why I left my previous relationship with baby daddy and at the time that I did was because I never wanted my son to see how toxic his parents were to each other. I never wanted my son to hear the words of insults that was hurled at me every day, I never wanted him to see how I was pushed against the wall, dragged on the floor and strangled sometimes.
If my son ever hears the word 'f@#& you' I never wanted him to hear it from his father nor any man that I claimed to love.
I hear different stories from many women about why they stay in relationships; 'because I thought it was love', 'I grew up seeing my mother being abused',' if I let him go at my age who is yet to come and love', ' he spent a lot on me so if he beats me for cheating I understand' and all the other reasons we give for staying in a toxic relationship.
I for one have never seen my mother’s abuse but I saw the results of the abuse; a hurt broken woman with no self esteem and two missing front teeth as a result of that abuse- but my sisters were exposed to the abuse. The damage I had was lesser than what my elder sisters had because they saw what happend. Til resent years my elder sister will break down if she had to tell you what she saw my father do to my mother.
You cannot stay in a toxic relationship just because you want to get married and just because he's helping you with the bills. Your abuse does not kill you only, it kills your children.
If you notice; many of our brokeness today is rooted in what we saw our parents go through, its a result of a perception that was formed when we saw what was happening to our parents. When you stay in a toxic relationship its not a sign that you love your children- it’s actually abuse to your children!
Today’s generation is broken mostly because of how we saw our parents deal with their issues. We saw our father beat our mother, we saw our father irresponsible and drunk, we saw our mothers stay in abusive relationships, we saw all kinds of evil that as a child you had no power to change or influence circumstances and it killed our perspective. When you expose a child to your abuse something in them dies.
Personally when I go through a situation that my son gets exposed to i sit him down and counsel him as to the right way of dealing with things because i dont want what i go through to corrupt him.
There are some children as young as three years old that have seen our partners either sexually use us or beat us. There are some of us parents that have allowed our boyfriends and husbands to insult us in front of our children. Our children have seen us cover up for abuse and have seen and heard us say 'I love him, I forgive him' after he beats you to a pulp.
You may think you that you have your reasons for staying in that toxic relationship and dont get me wrong, I do not underestimate your reasons but please don't expect your child not to grow up broken after that.
Many young people are rebellious today and cannot be disciplined by their parents because they have been exposed to too much of their parents nakedness/issues. Your daughter have seen you be used and abused infront of her now you are shocked gore she sleeps around. She has seen you being beaten daily now you want to discipline her and you want her to listen to you when she has seen you make bad decisions. Your son has seen you abuse his mother or seen you as a mother abused and now he is violent- it’s because of what he has seen you tolerate.
When your children get exposed to your abuse there is dignity that you lose in their eyes. Some of us as parents need to sit our children down and apologise for what we have exposed them to. Our children are resenting us today because of what we have allowed them to go through because of our bad choices.
To an abusive man; find what has hurt you and deal with it; you can never break out of abusing women if you dont deal with what abused you.
To an abused woman; staying in an abusive relationship because you have children in that relationship is not a good enough reason. I know you have convinced yourself with that excuse but deep down your heart you know you are killing your children: get out of that relationship. No one is judging you, stop saying 'kana batho ga ba tlhaloganye', 'I forgive him because it’s a Christian thing to do' and stop using 'no one cares' as an excuse.
People have given up on you because they have tried all they can to help you but you stayed and reasoned your way into staying in that relationship. Mapodisi le one a lapile ke go tlhola o report everyday then you come back and say I forgive him batsadi bare agisantse, hee wee are wa nnyala!
It is your own personal decision to make; take that stand now and leave that relationship. You willl never get help until you decide that you need help. A broken man is not for you to fix, you are not Jesus Christ; that man needs Jesus not you. Stop staying to prove that you love him. It is not for you to say that he needs counseling, until he sees that he needs help himself you are waisting your time. He is still going to beat you and apologise and even cry and promise that he will change and he is going for counselling that he never does; because counselling is your revelation that he has never caught. At least for the sake of your children; get out of that toxic relationship.
To a child that has been exposed to abuse; you need to forgive your parents for the wrong choices they made, for the abuse they exposed you to, for the abuse you endured because your mother stayed. I know some of you got abused along side with your mother, both physically and sexually and you blame your parents for it; you are right- it was their fault, they had a choice to protect you; in fact it’s a responsibility and not a choice!
I understand; I understand your pain, anger, resentment and hatred you have towards them.
I know you don’t want to forgive them but please look at what it is doing to you. You cannot be that bitter, angry, resentful person; it is not you. You are better than that; so forgive. As hard as it is please forgive. For your own peace; so that you make sleep at night, so that you may smile again, so that you may be genuinely happy again. As hard as it is...forgive!
Xoxo
#giantslayer
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