THE GIFT OF MOTHERHOOD
This is one of the ministries God has anointed me for: motherhood!
Papi kept on talking about my checkup to the hospital which is today and he spoke with so much concern and at some point I asked him 'Ao ngwanaka did they say I’m going to the mortuary ne kamoso' and he responded 'nyaa mma you will not die, you can't leave me here with Jane, I can survive for 3 days with her but not for the rest of my life' We laughed but I kind of felt his pain and his fear and anxiety of me going to the hospital again. My going to the hospital last and not coming back for days took a toll on him even though he acted strong and unbothered about it.
I remembered how one day I came to Botswana and left him with my sister for a couple of weeks and he didn't eat the whole time, he was 3 years old at that time. After a week my sister called me and said 'your child is depressed'. He would apparently sit down and keep quite and a tear would stream out of his eyes.
When I came to take him and we went back to Windhoek, when I left him with my friend at home to go to the mall he would sit by the varender and just keep quite and wait. After a couple of times my friend told me of this trend and I noticed: each time I left him with somebody else it traumatized him thinking I will not come back. So even when I did that by going to the shops it affected him that much! You know how we tell kids 'I'm going to the shop I'm coming back now' and we go forever, knowing that you are traveling far. To them its torture, they grow up knowing that when mama goes the shops there is a possibility of her not coming back for weeks. But because they are kids they can't express it.
I was shocked the other day when my niece said 'the first time I saw mama (she called her by name) was one day when she came to visit and...' I was so shocked and hurt at the same time:that she grew up to one day seeing this woman and coming to realize gore that's her mother, like how do you realize that' oh that's my mom' as a child. It must hurt to be confused about who your mother is because a mother is supposed to be the first thing a child knows in her life. I guess this is why kids resent their parents when they grow up.
So ever since that day I realized how my child gets affected by me leaving him home. I never left him. I swore that no matter how life gets at me, he will always be at my side. So I drew up a routine that every where I go should be child friendly so that I take him with. It could be a mall, a concert, an outing, traveling, ministry or whatever he has to be friendly enough for me to bring him with. Even today when I travel Papi has to come with me for ministry, if he's not there I'm kinda not settled. It has helped us bond and it helps him grow in the Lord as well to see his mom serving the Lord.
It has helped us to bond, more so that his dad is not in his life he doesn't need to feel the absence of his mother too. I know how we young mothers like leaving our children with our parents to go and hussle. Sometimes you should hustle with your child by your side because it will make him principled. It will make him mature enough and he will surely appreciate your hustle and you more when you are with him.
It's not easy to be with your child everywhere you go, but guess what; had I not done that I wouldn't be where I am today. It made me cut unnecessary things in my life and I knew how to prioritize and it surely brought me closer with my son.
To a single mother out there, it's not easy but it's possible. The joy of hussling and being able to get something that day and share it with your son and laugh over is so fulfilling. Rather struggle with your child than live like you don't have a child in the city just because you don't want to face life struggles. Those struggles will make you into a woman that God has called you to be trust me: I'm a living testimony of that.
A couple of days ago I asked my son if he believed there is God and he said 'ya of course, I have seen us struggle without food and stuff but look at us today, that can only be God'
So as I go for check up God will surely bring me back safe, I shall live for the sake of this my bestfriend: if not for anything, God has to keep me alive and healthy for his sake!
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