Sound Of Worship
So I watched Rhythm City and Suffocate and Puleng’s scene really touched me. In this soapie, this couple had just signed divorce settlement papers and the man did something that I commended and that made me reflect a lot about my life. He sincerely apologized for everything he put the lady through. He admitted he was wrong. He admitted that his actions hurt her.
You see I’ve had enough escapades of being hurt. But one thing that I have always wished for was this closure thing. Just to know; why did you leave me, honestly? What caused you to walk away? What did I do wrong? Why her and not me!? You know when somebody hurts you and they go on with their life like what they did didn't hurt you is the most painful part of it. And the worst part I’ve had those that walked away without any explanation. This is what gives birth to hatred, resentment and bitterness. I know we advocate for forgiveness which we should. But sometimes we demand people to forgive when we don't know the extent of the pain they had gone through.
I’ve had people do things to me, I’ve had men hurt me and even tell me you are strong enough youl be fine without any care for my feelings.
I remember the day I sat with my cousin and we were chatting about relationships and I told him of how I used to be a lady that was hospitable and accommodative and how now I didn't care anymore if I even offered a man water. He tried to convince me and said 'Trish this is not you'. I didn't care if it wasn't me anymore. You see before this conversation the Lord had put me in a corner and said 'baby girl I want you to go back to who you are. The hospitable accommodative woman I have built you to be,because when you treated 'him' like that and took care of him, it wasn't because you were trying to impress him,you were being you. That is the woman you are'. I said to the Lord 'ok fine' but still went on without a care to a man.
Until I had this conversation with my cousin and I said 'but you know what made me resent men like this; there was this guy I treated like a man, I loved him. I was a woman to him and he walked away from me.I had his back, he could count on me. I cooked for him my food when he didn't have anything and when he was tired. I never left his kitchen dirty. He knew he could call me anytime and I’ll be there for him. I was a woman to him and he walked away from him'.
When I said that; that’s when it sank in. I started seeing how damaged I had become because of that guy. Because he never really explained why he left me I thought this is how men are, they use you and go, they get what they want and go. You give them the whole of yourself and they throw it back in your face.
See I'm not talking about sex here, having sex with someone does not make you a good woman. It's the attributes of a woman that you give to a man that makes you a good woman to him. That cooking, that helping in the house when you are visiting; you see nowadays it's so confusing of what you should really be as a woman to show love. You care for him gatwe wa inyadisa,you don't do it gatwe how will he distinguish you from other girls,you ask him to that you meet at a restaurant gatwe O rata Madi but you are avoiding visiting his house because go tla twe wa ikisa. We don’t even know how to relate to men anymore. Anyways, back to my point; all this we do because of love.
As a woman, that's me showing my womanhood; being a woman to you. So when I cry, I'm not crying for the sex we had; I'm crying for the woman I was. So to have a man walk away from you, let alone without an explanation strips you of your womanhood. And you are left carrying this pain and wishing someone could sincerely say 'I’m sorry' or at least explain why. Just for him to say 'you were right and I was wrong'
So I carried this pain and resentment until God had to deal with me. After forgiving him I could now communicate with him without hating him and eventually he opened up,after years of us breaking up and he said ' and you wanted us to get married and I ran away'. And I'm like that's it! I never said anything about marriage and I never made a hint. Of course I desired to get married and to you but why did you have to walk away from me like that, couldn't you say something. Here I was left hurt and broken like that thinking there's something wrong with me- again! But it was just your fear of marriage because you did see a wife in me, that you were not ready to man up and wife.
I had resented him for all the pain he caused me. The greatest struggle was to let go of my hate for him because he had not apologised. It killed me inside that he could just live his life like nothing has happened or like he hasn't caused me such pain and embarrassment. For years I held the greatest resentment and bitterness towards him. I wanted him to apologize,I wanted him to admit that he was wrong. I wanted him to admit that he knows I did my best and at some point it wasn't all my fault that he was at fault too. I wanted him to admit that he hurt me and he realises that his actions hurt me but he didn't. It took Jesus for me to cry to God and admit that I need closure. That I could never get closure from this guy so He as God had to perform a healing surgery in me because with the pain I carried I could never let go of the pain I carried by myself.
So today I want to reach out to someone who hasn't found closure of thier past pain. Who still wish they could go back to that person that hurt them and ask them what happened? Do you know you leaving me hurt me? It hurts to be hurt and that person does not have any remorse. I personally even got accustomed to the fact that no one apologies when they are wrong, infact they twist everything and make it like it's your fault. Far worse as ladies in relationships we even get used to taking all the blame. If the relationship doesn't work out it's got to be our fault. You were not woman enough, you were not a good mother, you became fat or you just didn't know how to keep a man. And the pain! The pain of knowing you gave something your all and it didn't work and it wasn't your fault. You even apologize for being a good woman to him like 'I’m sorry I was such a good woman to you and you couldn't handle me"
Today I reach out to that one person that is trying to forgive a person that hasn't apologized. This person hurt you but they act like you are the wrong one. The pain of trying to pick up the pieces without closure of what really went wrong. The pain of trying to move on without knowing what you really did wrong, at least to know what to take the blame for.
So when Suffo admited he was wrong and that Puleng had been a woman enough and good enough,and that he was to blame; I almost cried; for real. And thought ' if only one man that hurt me could have done this, I wouldn't have been broken the way I was broken.
When a man/woman walks away from you when you still love them it breaks you. You try by all means to find out what you could have done wrong. As a woman you question your womanhood; wasn't I good enough, what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me!?'
Sometimes they make it worse and flaunt by trying to replace you with another one.
Today I had a conversation with a lady that caught her boyfriend this week with another lady. The 'lady' then called her later to flaunt. This lady made me listen to the recording of the phone call and I felt for her. What hurts the most is being called by someone that you already feel like they have something you don't have and flaunt to you that she slept with your man. I really felt for her.
Many of us have found ourselves in this place. Being embarrassed by another woman because your man went out on you,or even you being the one attacking another man or woman because your partner cheated you with them. This is just a reaction of pain and embarrassment caused by someone you love that has too much pride to admit that they are wrong.
This leaves one broken and feeling worthless and worst part is not finding closure. The greatest thing you can ever do is admit to a person you hurt that you were wrong. It heals, it takes off a burden from one's shoulders, it makes them find closure.
So, to you that haven't apologised and you know you hurt someone; please go and sincerely apologize and make peace. Infact it's for your own good. A person that hasn't forgiven you for a wrong you did silently holds some sort of unexpressed grudge against you.
And to you that can't let go of the pain and the resentment. Honestly it's gonna take the grace of God for you to find closure. You gonna have to vent out your pain to God. He's the only one that can heal you ask me and I’ll tell you about it. Go to Him in prayer and be broken to Him and find your healing. You can't hold onto that pain,it kills you,leave that one that hurt you to God. God is the best avenger He shall fight for you, you just need to heal; for your sake. That pain is gonna make you stuck in life; until you forgive your life may never progress. You can try all you can but you can never breakthrough with the burden of unforgiveness. You may never get satisfied in life if still holding that grudge and that pain. Please find healing.
I pray for you
Xoxo
#giantslayer
Trish Waboraro is an inspirational writer and an author of four books; Worship Leader Manual Vol I and Worship Leader Manual Vol II which speaks on the spiritual and practical aspects of worship; Broken, which speaks on the issues of life and brokenness through life issues and challenges and Her Articles, a book that covers different issues of societal concern via the spiritual lenses.
© 2020 Trish Waboraro . All Rights Reserved . Design by Trish Waboraro
Our Recent Comments